Stuck in the audience during a long speech, I grew annoyed as the presenter kept saying, “Let me say something about…” Then she’d proceed to, you guessed it, say something about customers or technology or whatever else she promised to say something about.

Prefacing her remarks didn’t enhance her speech. In fact, it nearly ruined it.

As a manager, you may spend lots of time narrating what you’re about to do. If you treat employees like a dentist about to drill a patient’s cavity, you will say what you’re about to do–providing clarity and detail along the way.

My advice: Stop.

Skip the constant narration. Don’t give overviews of every little thing you’re about to do or say. Just plunge in.

People grow impatient when they’re told what’s about to happen. They think, “Okay, let’s move on now.” Or they grow anxious (as if they’re sitting in a dentist’s chair hearing about the impending pain they’ll feel).

If you wish to communicate a complex set of facts or instructions, it’s fine to provide an overview. Otherwise, don’t tell ‘em what you’re going to tell ‘em.

Just tell ‘em.

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There are smart ways to tell an employee to shape up. For starters, don’t say, “Shape up.”

Instead, speak in non-threatening, collaborative language. Choose words that bring people together as your ally rather than underscore their inferiority as subordinates. And beware of subtly picking a fight when you’re trying to win them over.

Here are three examples of savvy communication:

1. Replace “What I need you to understand is…” with “Here’s the situation as I see it.”

2. Replace “You’re going to have to accept the fact that…” with “We have to come to terms with the fact that…”

3. Replace “You’re asking for too much” with “Let’s find a middle ground.”

There’s nothing inherently wrong with the sentences that I suggest you replace. They’re just a tad pushy. You can convey the same point in a gentler tone.

As a rule, avoid impulsive responses. Instead, think of the most diplomatic, empathetic way of driving home your message.

You may be angry, impatient or disappointed with the employee. Or you may simply dislike the worker’s personality. There are tons of excuses why you might lapse into confrontational language.

Work around those excuses by accepting this truth: Solutions flow from clear, well-received communication.

If you blow it, the repercussions will only make your job harder.

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To sharpen your persuasive communication skills, here’s my biggest piece of advice: Beware of bad advice.

Everywhere I look, I see alleged experts dishing out terrible tips. Here are two examples:

1. To sell your ideas, reveal more of yourself. Share why you care so deeply about what you’re selling.

When I developed sales training for life insurance agents, I was struck by their insistence that they regale prospects with their purchases of life coverage.

“I’ve bought two policies with $5 million of protection for my loved ones,” they’d say proudly as part of their sales pitch. “And I’m about to buy a third policy, a single-premium whole life product.”

There was just one problem: Many prospects didn’t view life insurance salespeople as role models of probity. In fact, prospects would tell me, “Of course the sales guy is going to brag about how much insurance he has. But that has nothing to do with me.”

2. To communicate well, stick to your core message. If someone asks a question that steers you off course, ignore it and reinforce your core message.

Many media trainers often advise, “Disregard a reporter’s question and stick to your prepared talking points instead.” Some managers follow that advice during the Q&A after they deliver presentations to influential VIPs.

Again, there’s a problem: Questioners lose trust in people who fail to respond. You’ll lose credibility if you evade inquiries and spout canned, carefully rehearsed lines.

The bottom line: If your gut tells you to ignore “expert” advice, you may want to listen to your gut.

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I recently coached a manager, Jim, who complained about his boss.

“He just won’t look me in the eye,” Jim told me. “I don’t trust the guy and I certainly don’t feel I’m connecting with him when we talk.”

The sad truth is many mid-level managers report to executives who fail to give good eye contact. There’s a reason for this.

Research shows that powerful execs “spend much less time making eye contact, as least when a person without power is talking,” The Wall Street Journal reports (Aug. 14-15 issue, p. W2).

That leaves managers fuming. They’re thinking, “Why isn’t this person listening to me?”

Years ago, I worked for a CEO who liked to look just past my right ear when I was speaking with him. Sometimes, for variety, he’d look about two inches over my head instead.

He almost never looked directly at me.

Over time, I discovered that the CEO respected me, heeded my advice on occasion and opened career doors for me. He just lacked basic people skills—and I initially interpreted his awkwardness as disinterest or disapproval.

I shared my experience with Jim. He shook his head and insisted his case was different.

“I work for someone who just doesn’t hold me in high regard,” Jim declared. “It’s not that he’s socially awkward, trust me.”

Ultimately, Jim and I hatched a plan. Rather than meet in person, Jim and his boss have begun corresponding by e-mail more regularly. Both seem to prefer the specificity of expressing themselves via keyboard.

Jim likes articulating his ideas and providing progress reports in writing. And he tells me his boss likes giving directives (and even chiding Jim!) in e-mails.

While it’s still early in the experiment, it highlights a key point: When you don’t like how you’re interacting with someone at work, try a different communication strategy.

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