Few employees volunteer everything you need to know. They’ll tell you bits and pieces. Your gentle but persistent probing helps you get the full story.

A former boss taught me something 20 years ago that I still remember. When an employee opens up to you and starts revealing more than you bargained for, it’s tempting to digest it all and conclude you’ve had a rich, rewarding dialogue.

But my boss told me, “Don’t settle for that. Ask one ore question: Is there anything else you’d like to discuss?”

It’s a great question because it opens up new avenues of conversation. An employee who’s already in the mood to confide in you might offer up another dose of brutally honest communication when prompted to reveal more.

And here’s a parting shot: Never end one-on-one chats abruptly by walking out (or suddenly hanging up the phone). Give fair warning. This prevents you from cutting off a potentially valuable communication channel with the employee.

You don’t want your staffer to think, “Oh, I was about to confess something really important. Good thing my boss rushed away and saved me the trouble.”

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In any argument, no one is 100 percent right or 100 percent wrong. Fair-minded managers understand that.

You need to acknowledge flaws in your position as well as any shortcomings that weaken your management style. When you do that, you derive three benefits:

1) You signal that you’re willing to be hard on yourself. That, in turn, can induce others to follow your lead. When all parties fess up to their weaknesses, it paves the way for faster conflict resolution.

2) You save time defending yourself later by advancing the conversation toward solution steps.

3) You show that you’re partially responsible. That alone lowers others’ defenses and promotes mutual understanding.

Tone matters. When you admit defects in your position, radiate sincerity. Really believe it. A simple statement such as, “I realize I didn’t communicate my instructions as well as I could have” or “I know I overreacted when I heard the news” can go a long way toward bringing the argument to a graceful and merciful end.

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Highly emotive people can prove exhausting colleagues. They see drama in the most mundane acts—and take everything hard (even trivial stuff). They protest too much, bellyache too much and express too much anger, outrage and dismay.

If you want to conserve energy and operate more efficiently at work, take every opportunity to ratchet down dramatic displays in yourself and others. Tempted to read too much into a peer’s comment or facial expression? Don’t! Let it slide. Or at least place whatever offended you in the proper context.

If you assign disproportionate meaning to minor moments in everyday life, you’ll erode your sanity—and drive those around you crazy. And if your employee tends to react with excessive drama to every perceived slight, coach this person to develop a thicker skin and practice the art of mental detachment (to avoid imputing negative or ire-inducing motives to innocent behaviors by others).

Drama can entertain us at the movies. But in the workplace, it’s the ultimate distraction.

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Pushovers rarely get promotions. But did you know that spineless worms are more likely to get heart attacks?

In a study in Journal of Epidemiology & Community Health, a survey of 2,755 men found that those who responded to unfair treatment at work with passivity had far more heart attacks over the next 10 years. The lesson is that staying mum or retreating with your tail between your legs when dealing with, say, bullying bosses or scheming colleagues can be hazardous to your health.

The researchers theorized that keeping stress bottled up inside might cause blood pressure to spike. People who withhold their anxious or roiling emotions and refuse to vent are also more prone to stress-induced diseases such as colitis.

Of course, there’s a right and wrong way to speak up. If you lose your composure and resort to name-calling and foot stomping, you’re hardly boosting your image as a paragon of maturity. But if you’re willing to confront inappropriate behavior with a mix of firmness and civility, you’ll enjoy a double victory: You will enhance your self-worth while letting go of inner stress.

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When a manager argues acrimoniously with a direct report, no one wins. Even if your employee uses faulty logic or lacks your knowledge or understanding of the subject, you still won’t win by bickering.

Insisting that you’re right because you’re the boss almost guarantees a nasty backlash.

Here’s a better approach. Argue without exposing defects in the employee’s beliefs. Why try to force others to confront their wrongness? That only fuels their defensiveness and intensifies the conflict.

Instead, acknowledge the seeds of rightness in what you hear. If the employee’s position is entirely, 100% wrong, respond by saying something diplomatic such as, “I see where you’re coming from. Let me come at it from another direction.”

Then support your point with cogent evidence. This way, you lead others to reassess or modify their existing views. That’s better than attempting to get them to dismiss their long-held beliefs.

Smart managers know that it’s far easier to get employees to accept a fresh piece of information or a new way of seeing an issue rather than to admit they’re wrong about their old beliefs.

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When conflicts erupt at work, there’s usually one core cause: fear. Either or both combatants probably fear something.

What’s to fear? For starters, consider security, independence or belonging.

If you fear a lack of job security, you may lash out at people who have more security. Consider the battles that occur at universities where teaching assistants and associate professors clash with tenured faculty.

If you fear that your cherished independence is under attack by a bossy overlord who makes you feel like a hapless pawn, you will stew in anger. You may plot revenge or take steps to sabotage anyone who poses a threat to your autonomy.

If you fear that a brash newcomer is elbowing you out of a favored group of peers, you may fear that your sense of belonging has been uprooted. As a result, fights can ensue as you try to oust the newcomer or spread nasty rumors about him or her.

Knowing what’s at the crux of a conflict doesn’t make it go away. But at least you can grapple with the emotion that’s driving your discontent. That’s the first step toward conquering it.

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Your employees think they know best. They may listen to you and weigh your input, but ultimately they walk away muttering, “I know more than my boss.”

The fact that your workers think they know more than you do isn’t necessarily a bad thing. If you’re smart, you’ll use it to your advantage.

The next time an employee insists on proceeding a certain way (against your wishes), don’t pick a fight. Instead, try these four steps:

1. Agree within limits. Say, “That’s what I thought at first…” Ally yourself with the employee’s perspective.

2. Cite a turning point. Say, “Then I learned something that changed my mind…” This raises a listener’s curiosity. Your subordinate will wonder, “What made my manager reassess the situation?”

3. Describe your due diligence. Admit that you were surprised by the new information you learned—and that you investigated further. Say, “I decided to run a test” or “I sought to dig deeper to confirm the accuracy of what I learned.”

4. Draw the new conclusion. Say, “As a result, I’ve concluded that…” By guiding your employee through your personal progression from agreeing with his or her viewpoint to arriving at a different viewpoint, you make it easy to forge a new agreement.

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In silly business books about mice chasing cheese, everyone is rational. Smart managers engineer win-win outcomes. Wise people who radiate decency and use common sense come out on top.

In the real world, however, conflicts erupt. Tempers flare. Irrationality takes hold. Good managers get hurt through no fault of their own by misbehaving employees.

If you want to manage conflict effectively, sometimes you must ditch the win-win ideal. Prepare to toughen your stance and wield authority in ways that can, and usually do, leave employees feeling less than triumphant.

In dealing with troublemakers, practice phrases such as, “Here’s what has to happen,” “You have a choice,” and “There’s no more room for negotiation.”

Skip the lectures. Instead, outline the choice the employee faces or specify the actions the employee must take. Listen to excuses with a neutral expression; then reject them. Don’t interrupt. Just let the employee’s protestations hang there in silence.

Show some spine. It may not feel good (in fact, it’s exhausting!), but sometimes the best way to resolve a conflict is to settle for win-lose. Just make sure you’re the winner.

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